Samantha
Wiraatmaja

 

The Story Of Us: Part 2

I’m finally back with a continuation of the story of how Alex and I met + got together! Before we continue, make sure you read the prologue first and then part 1. Alex & I love how God wrote our love story. We’ve shared that story to many, and have been asked to share our wedding vows to youths learning about God-centered relationships. But I’ve struggled with writing about it because it is so very personal + sacred to me. Also, every time I’ve sat down to write this story, our marriage has come under attack and I’ve given up. But over the past year God has been challenging me to do it – let His work in our lives be a light to others. Because it’s not just about how God wrote our love story; it’s about how God came into the lives of two broken people and wrote something beautiful out of that mess… and how we get to live the story He’s still writing. So this is our story, the story of us.

~

So a little recap because part 1 was posted almost a year ago! We ended off the first part of the story with Alex and I arriving at the same conference in June 2011 as complete strangers amidst 1,000 other people. By that point, God had brought us both individually through a year of intensive “revival prep”, and we were both full of zeal from the Holy Spirit for revival + unity + a prophetic generation in South East Asia. (Note: we had the zeal, but it took us a few more years to learn to walk it out with wisdom… and we’re still learning!)

We were also lonely. We wondered if anyone else would ever understand the intensity of the past year + the big things God was speaking in our prayer closets + the journey we each felt called to ahead.

That’s me on the bottom-right in June 2011, on one my rare count-with-one-hand days out of the prayer closet. Because some people want to know, my hair was much shorter then because I’d shaved it off a year ago (to walk with someone special through a difficult time) and it was growing out again at that time.

Samantha (Open Heavens Conference, June 2011)

I was late for the first session. I had just leaped off a ferry from Batam Indonesia, where, over the past 3 days, God had placed a burden for that nation in my heart for the very first time (it’s pretty cool how this happened right before I met Alex, who is an Indonesian, at the conference. God’s pretty sneaky like that!).

I soft-stepped into the large hall, found the closest + most inconspicuous seat available, and sank into the soft seats with a sigh. I was tired from the morning’s travels back to Singapore, still trying to process all that had happened over the past few days, and quite frankly, I was heart-sore. I’d been spending so much time waiting on Him in the prayer closet that I hardly met people any more + I had probably alienated many of my friends. I knew it was His season for me, but it was hard to keep the faith sometimes and it was crazy lonely and I just really wanted a friend who could say, “God said this + that to you?! So cool, me too!”

As I sat through the sessions on that first day, I was so moved by the bond that James Goll and his late wife Michal Ann Goll shared. They were ministry partners + apostolic leaders + a father and mother to prophets… but most of all, they were second-best-friends whose first best friend was Jesus. I’d never seen a friendship and love like theirs before, and this prayer kept wafting up to heaven from my heart, “Lord, if I ever get married, I want a marriage like this or none at all.”

A fresh vision for Kingdom marriage was birthed in my heart. Little did I know that the Lord had set it all up to prepare me for my first encounter with Alex.

During the tea break that first afternoon, I eagerly made a beeline for the book table, hungry for all the books that could teach me more about God. When they announced that the next session would begin shortly, I had to kinda burrow my way out of the throng.

And that was the moment.

With my head down in an attempt to squeeze my way out of the crush, I bumped right into a tall, solid, immovable pillar wearing a tucked in Nike shirt, jeans, and sneakers. Startled, I looked up and came face-to-face with his conference nametag “Alexander Wiraatmaja”.

Alex in June 2011. He was the guy everyone knew as “the dude who wears t-shirts tucked into jeans and sneakers” :p

Alex (Open Heavens Conference, June 2011)

“I was excited. I was lonely but didn’t know that I was. I was in a new season and it was the first prophetic conference I would be attending. From the start of the conference, I knew that James Goll had a prophetic word for me. I waited and waited, but nothing happened on the first day.”

To be continued.

(I promise it won’t take a whole year this time)

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Throne Room Worship

Worship is a beautiful human right, one gifted by God that even the angels long to look into (read more about that here).

You have, in all likelihood, experienced beautiful moments of private + corporate worship. Times when the sweet presence of the Lord descends like sweet perfume, or wind, or gold dust, or healing love. And I pray that all who read this will get to experience this sweet, healing worship.

But that is just the beginning. Because there’s worship, and then there’s Throne Room worship. This is the highest + purest level of worship, and the invitation is open to all His children to press in through worship into Throne Room worship. Today I want to delve a little deeper into what it’s like, the kind of deep worship mentioned briefly in this article. What follows is not a formula or to-do list, but stories to inspire you to pursue new depths of intimacy with the Lover of your soul.

Throne Room worship needs to be experienced to be fully understood, but the short answer is this: In that place, everything is centered on Him. In that place, we are only aware of one thing: how glorious, majestic, beautiful is the King seated on the throne. We see the Angels and Elders bend low, and know that we know that we KNOW that He deserves all our devotion.

In the Throne Room, nobody sings songs about themselves (“I worship..” “I praise…” “You make ME..”) because while those songs are powerful and anointed, they can only take us to second heaven worship. Self-involved worship are found insufficient in the third heavens, in the face of His majesty. In this place, the only worship that takes off are the ones about Him and HIM ALONE, adoring Him, about His nature + attributes. Looking at His beautiful wonder, not in relation to us, but simply as He is.

We’re no longer there for ourselves (healing, revelation, solution) but we’re there because He is God and that demands the worship of all creation. That worship cracks through to the deepest core of us and brings out an involuntary response of love + adoration + awe. It is His deep calling out to our deep. Because He is spirit, and all who worship must worship in spirit and in truth.

I pray that the stories I share today will awaken your heart to the depths of His majesty + glory. I’m asking Him for deeper hunger in all our hearts.

NOTE: Before I share these stories, it is important to note that whenever I use the word “Worship” I am not referring to songs, although the word also encompasses the singing of songs. “Worship” henceforth signifies adoration of the body, soul, and spirit – be it through words, music, silence, etc.

Story 1: Going From Second Heavens Worship To Third Heavens/Throne Room Worship.

I was going about my usual one day – worship, Bible, wait on God – and it was a beautiful, peaceful time.

I was in the second heavens, the place in Ephesians 6:12 where angels battle with the spiritual forces of evil (see also Daniel 10:13). This is the place where we bring our worries, hurts, etc., to God during worship. It is the place that we usually first encounter His love, healing, assurance. He restores our soul, our identity in Him. In this place, much of the emphasis is on our needs, our struggles, our experiences. Is it a necessary step in the journey? For sure. But it cannot be the end.

As I was in that place of second heavens worship, there was a sudden shift in the atmosphere. Heavier, whiter, mistier + clearer all at the same time.

Then I saw angels come in from my right side, entering the room as they descended out of thin air. They came into the room carrying the Throne of God lifted above them.

The Throne of God was huge. Its base as high as the ceiling so I only saw the bottom-most step. It was made of what looked like solid gold, nothing hollow inside. All four corners were connected by pillars that were thicker than a palace colonnade. There were emerald stones embedded into the gold.

But far more breathtaking were the feet that rested on that bottom step of the Throne. The feet of the Most High. The God who makes the mountains tremble with His breath. He was in my living room, and now I understood why the disciple John + so many others who’ve encountered Him in this way said “I fell down as one dead”. For when we come face to face with the greatness of God, every accomplishment of our own, every human boast, appears like cheap straw beside His majesty.

The moment He entered the room on His Throne, the only response that could come forth was to adore + be in awe of who He was. I physically felt every atom in my body (pardon if that’s not the right sciencific word, but you get the gist) pivot and turn till they were all unanimously faced toward Him. Literally every fiber of my body turned toward His light. Everything was centered on Him, existed for Him, sustained because of Him.

No fear, worry, strife could enter into that sacred space. Only His glory… and His love that allowed sinful me to remain in His glory. And the only response was “Holy, Holy, Holy. You are God Almighty.”

Story 2: Going From Earth To Throne Room Worship.

Another time, I was too busy to sit with the Lord. As I hustled + bustled around the house, the Throne of God suddenly appeared in the middle of the living room, right where I usually spent time with Him.

It stopped me right in my tracks. “Why is it here?” was barely formed in my mind when the gentle, slightly stern, voice of Holy Spirit said, “We have come. This is an invitation to you to come into the Throne Room. Will you come or are you too busy?”

I repented, made a heart adjustment, and went to sit before Him humbled, awed, and pretty much trying to wrap my mind around the fact that the Great God had come while I’d been ignoring Him. But that’s who He is. Kind, humble, gracious.

The colossal God so loves the broken, mud-spattered worship of His children that He lifts us out of our mire and takes us higher to where His Throne resides. And every time we sing “Holy” “Worthy”, we’re like the 24 elders who never stop worshiping Him because they never stop beholding Him.

Story 3: Going Straight To Throne Room Worship.

There are times that I’ve settled down to worship and He’s taken me straight up to His Throne Room. Cutting through the layers of earth (the soul, the flesh, distractions) and the second heavens (spiritual warfare, resistance, blockages) straight to that place before Him.

I see mist surrounding His Throne, wrapped in light and glory. I see the angels attending to Him, adoring Him, full of awe and love for their God. I see the elders and people around the Throne and they never stop bowing down before Him.

As I join in the chorus, “Blessing and honor and glory and power, forever and ever. Unto Him who sits on the Throne be blessing, glory and honor forever and ever and ever. Amen” my body quakes at His majesty and tears flow. The tears that flow are involuntary, not from emotions, and I cannot stop them because every cell in my body must respond to His beauty.

There, before His Throne, I am bathed in His light. Body, soul, spirit vibrate as wave after wave of His light – beauty and holiness – radiate from His Throne.

I’ve often come back from those times of worship before His Throne and found that problems have been solved, wise solutions have been deposited in my mind, and God ideas planted in my heart. When we get to that place of looking at only Him, we take our hands off ourselves and let Him come in to bring divine resolution into every area.

These are some stories of my experiences, and I’m praying for an impartation of breakthrough in worship over your life today. Check back on the word of God, chew the meat and throw away the bones. Your Throne Room encounter with God might be different, but will be unique between Him and you.

And if you want a place to grow in + experience this? Join us at Godly Womanhood prayer nights OR at CreateCollective worship nights. The Lord’s specific invitation at these gatherings is for everyone to enter into the third heavens together; nobody is to be left behind. Friend, you are more than welcome to press in, just as you are.

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True Humility

I feel like there’s a bit of confusion when the Church thinks about humility.

There is a sense of frustration when His children are called to a position of influence + power + prominence. Many get afraid with this question: “I feel good about myself… that’s pride and sinful right?”

We try to squash down what we feel is pride and frantically strive to get humble by reciting “It’s all because of Him” and “It’s not me, it’s Him” repeatedly for good measure. We don’t say it, but most of us measure self-confidence as more sinful than low-self-esteem.

I feel like these beliefs are distortions of the truth — both of who God is and of who we are. So let’s talk about what true humility looks like.

Lord, we invite You to come in + shine Your light of truth into the areas where deception has entered in. Heart matters can get murky and confusing, but we know that You bring peace to the stormiest of tempests. Would you bring clarity into our hearts today, Lord. Amen.

When we think about humility, most of us associate it with attributes like: meekness, lowliness, gentleness. We almost never think about humility as boldness, confidence, assertiveness.

But here’s the thing: Jesus, the perfect Savior, was humble. And He was bold, confident, and assertive when He needed to be.

Jesus was firm in declaring that He was God’s son. When asked if He was King of the Jews, He boldly said “I am”. When questioned by the religious leaders, He went so far as to announce that how He planned to return with fanfare.

Jesus offended many people when He operated out of knowing His identity in His father. His declarations of who He was were considered heresies. He made no apologies for knowing exactly who He + what His mission was.

Jesus was fully confident. And Jesus was the meekest man on earth.

His confidence came from knowing exactly who He was. His boldness came from knowing exactly Who had sent Him.

His meekness was not a lack of strength, but strength under control. That’s real power.

Not once did He dither, hem and haw about who He was or what He could do. Jesus knew that fame does not create pride, but merely uncovers it.

He knew that humility was in the heart and was not measured by mere words + shying away from His God-given position + deflecting with false humility. Jesus was completely confident and completely humble.

And if Jesus did it, could it be that we might be fully confident and be fully humble, too?

I’m not saying that we’re never prideful when we feel good about ourselves, because sometimes we really are.

But sometimes? Sometimes we feel good because we finally see ourselves the way God does. Sometimes we grow strong because we know who we are in Him, and that’s a good strength. Sometimes we get a compliment because we did something with excellence, and God loves that. He created us and He delights in us. And truth be told, we are supposed to shine if we truly lived out our identities as children of the King of this world.

Could we also take it one step further to say: Sometimes when we live in such a way as to not shine forth, WE ARE SINNING.

Humility is knowing exactly who are in God. So if pride – thinking more of ourselves – is sin, doesn’t it stand to reason that low self esteem – thinking less of who God made us – is also sin?

Can we learn from people like Yahweh’s friend Moses and Jesus’ beloved disciple John?

Moses confidently wrote into the immortal Word of God that “Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.” The nerve! And yet… if every word in the Bible is God-inspired, wouldn’t it mean that that very bold declaration wasn’t just allowed by God, but came from the very heart of God Himself? Moses knew who he was in the Lord, nothing more and nothing less.

John penned himself into the Bible as “the disciple whom Jesus loved,” I don’t know about you, but I’d have been super offended at that if I was one of Jesus’ other disciples. But John knew His place in the Lord’s heart, and nothing would make Him back down from that position.

So here are some questions for you + me this season: Do we know our position in God? Will we choose not to abdicate that place even when religiosity takes offense? Are we ok with offending people when we are faithfully obeying God? Do we need a little recalibration to where we get our affirmation/approval from? Do we need to change our belief system to know that there may be times when we’ve let others down but haven’t actually sinned at all? Do we need to get intentional about cultivating friendships that bring both parties into their rightful positions? Are there some relationships we need to cut off that do the opposite?

Let’s talk.

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Idream of Eden. We were made for the Garden and the full pleasure of paradise. We got separated at Eden and we spend our whole lives searching for a way back into that secret paradise. All of life's pursuit + pain + questioning can be traced back to man's search for home. Our deepest instincts tell us that we are not home outside of this reality, and our souls will never stop searching until we return. Only there will we find rest and our true being. There, we begin to dream again the dreams that have laid asleep in our hearts all along.

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