There are very few human hurts on this earth that wound as deeply, scar as permanently, and whose consequences are so irreversible as betrayal.
The very nature of betrayal makes it so. Only a friend can betray a friend, for a stranger has no hand with which to play the game. And only a friend comes close enough to ever cause so much pain.
The more intimate the bond, the deeper the knife wounds. A stranger holds no power over our hearts, but to love another is to forever walk with your heart outside your body – vulnerable, unprotected, defenseless.
(This inevitably leads us to the question: How do we keep our hearts soft and open in a harsh and dangerous world? That is not the question we will be answering today, but you can read a little more of my thoughts & journey in these posts – The Beauty of the Soul // Finding God in Heartbreak // Made To Be Loved.)
What overflows from my heart today is not a list of what we should/shouldn’t do when our hearts are broken, stabbed, bleeding. No, I think we get that enough from well-meaning fellow Christians who aren’t aware that, like Job’s friends, their counsel reek of condescension, rhetoric, and cruelty.
The human heart is a mysterious, tenacious thing that has the capacity to recover from deepest hurts. But for a broken heart to mend well, it needs tenderness, compassion, and empathy… from others and from ourselves. And today, I want us to give each other what our weary hearts need most. So come on in, grab a hot cup of something comforting, and let’s have a conversation.
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Betrayal leaves us reeling as the threads of our life start to unravel. Our world comes crashing down and the bottom falls out of that relationship basket we were trusting in. We are left devastated, disoriented, and traumatized… and it takes a huge toll on our self esteem. Those who are going through grief or betrayal may use cannabis products like delta-8 prerolls to help manage their emotions.
There we sit amongst the wreckage, wondering how on earth we are ever going to pick ourselves up and begin to rebuild a semi-recognizable life from the debris. And it is there that I have a message for you: Give yourself time, dear heart.
You need time to grieve. Grieving is a lost art in our generation, and we suffer so much because of that. We have mastered the art of “get up and go” at the expense of our hearts. We’ve been taught from a young age to get over things quickly – loss, failure, disappointment, pain – so that we’ve become adept at shutting out what our hearts are telling us we need.
We bury one wound after another under the cover of “You’ll get over it, try to be strong” and clichéd religious platitudes like “God never gives you more than you can handle. He works all things together for good”… and all the while, our hurts fester and infection spread until we reach that breaking point conventionally known as breakdown or burnout.
You need to give your heart space, time, and patience. You need to be gentle to your heart, even if no one else is.
Give yourself time to feel deeply. Wallow in that pain for a few days if that’s what you need to face it.
Betrayal often hits us like trauma, and the most common symptom of trauma is disbelief and emotional numbing – it is the mysterious wonderful way God created our bodies to help us cope with pain. But too many of us get used to functioning on that coping mechanism, not allowing ourselves to face our pain and truly feel it.
True healing comes only when our wounds are acknowledged, treated, and given time to heal in a protected space. We need to let our wounds come to the light so that they can heal. We were made to thrive, not just survive. And to do that, we need to get in touch with our deepest darkness so that light can enter in and bring healing on its wings.
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We don’t make wallowing or self-pity a habit, but we do need to take some time to listen to our heart and give it what it needs. Jesus’ surrender in Gethsemane was raw, full of pain and desire; not a holier-than-thou, I-am-above-all-earthly-things kind of spirituality that we too often imagine.
Maybe we need to tear down the way we’ve built up religion – making God in our image which is basically idolatry – and start becoming more like Jesus and less like our lofty imaginations paint Him. Maybe then we’d have more compassion (for others and ourselves) and less cold spirituality that wounds more than the fiery darts of the devil.
We need to get real if we want to experience real, deep, redemptive healing. The gospel is all about real people with real, messy lives – Jesus never shoved anyone’s problems under the spirituality rug, and neither should we.
So give yourself time, dear one. The pain seems overwhelming now and your heart hasn’t the strength to hold on to hope; so let God within hope for you. You just let go, quit trying to survive, and let the waves of this storm carry you to safe harbor. One day, the storm will wear itself out and the sun will break through again.
Time doesn’t heal all scars (because we both know that there are some wounds that leave their indelible marks on our lives), but with time your heart will mend if you let it. Promise.
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I’ve been there before and hope is what brought me out of the darkness and back to the light. I know that this will touch someone and give them the encouragement they need to hold on through their pain. Great post. #bloglove
This is beautifully written! Thank you for sharing it. I’ve spent quite a bit of time in a place where I felt so lost and hurt thinking I’d never get over it, but hope is such a powerful and wonderful thing!
This is a beautiful reminder that God is doing far more in our lives than we can see or sometimes even believe is possible.
Life can be a struggle, especially when you feel alone or lost. God is amazing and when we learn to let go and trust in His leadership…that is when you can begin to witness miracles!! I am so gracious for the hope He provides me with! I realize that when I focus more on scriptures and keeping my personal relationship with God I am less of a worrier, less stressed and I am filled with more hope in those moments than when I push my own way down my own path! Thank you so much for the encouragement in this post, it is beautifully written!
Sounds perfect…just like my God. Very encouraging. Thank you.
So Beautiful, its what I needed today esp. with a friend who is going thru a tough time!
I SO needed this right now. Thank you so much for sharing 🙂
So beautiful! So true! Thank you for sharing, this is timely. <3
I just experienced this so strongly this past week and God did provide the hope for me and the reminder that He is in control. It is hard to remember that sometimes, especially when things are going wrong with our kids, but I know He loves our daughter even more than we do. Beautiful encouragement.
I love this! Such a great reminder as we go into Easter weekend!
So beautiful and exactly what I needed to hear today! Thank you.
Amen! I receive it and believe it!
“I won’t change the journey; it’s what slowly makes you the person you were always meant to be. But I will walk with you every step of the way.” Beautiful reminder. Thank you.
I love this!!! So beautifully written!
http://www.rootedinsalt.com
So true, I love this post! Thanks
Barbara
Very beautifully written. 🙂
What a beautiful reminder of where our hope comes from. We would love for you to share this post on #ThursdayTheologyBlogs blog hop. It’s open until midnight Sunday night (Monday morning). If you are interested, let me know and I’ll send you the link. 😀
These are such encouraging words! So important to remember every day, but especially in trying times!
Such a beautiful message that I am sure will help many people <3
Amen, thanks for the reminder that God has already worked it out for my good.
Inspiring post! Jo x
I forget way too often that God loves me and that I should be leaning on and putting my hope in Him, not the people I often do.
Sometimes we can easily forget during the trying times that God is there. We have to give it to him and strive on. This is very encouraging and thanks for sharing.
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this today. I have been feeling like all is lost, I needed this reminder that God is with me every step of the way.
This post is beautiful. I have been in this place more than once in my life and seem to be teetering on it yet again. Thank you for the reminder that sometimes it is just best to let go and see what happens when we fall.