Preface: If you are able to receive this, read it as an experience I had with the Lord as real as day. If not, read this as one of the imaginations of a girl exploring what the Bible tells her her Papa is like. Both ways work. I pray that God makes His word become flesh in our hearts, because God knows, we are in such desperate need of the Father’s embrace.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
In a moment, I was in my Father’s throne room. I stood at the door and peered in: Papa was at work poring over a large mahogany table with many scrolls, angels bringing more back and forth. It looked like an important strategizing session. The majesty and beauty of the room.. the Person in that room.. I could not enter it, not even as an observer. I had just been through a season of pain and loss that had left me feeling ugly, broken, and very very small. “Unworthy” was the lie wrapped around my heart.
Papa looked up from his big desk and saw me peeking at the door. He smiled, so happy to see me. Immediately, He left the table and came to me at the door. He stood before me smiling delight, joyful welcome. He bent down and wrapped His arms around me so tight. It felt like He was wrapping me with love and warm sunlight.
“Why didn’t you come in?” He asked in mock seriousness and a gentle twinkle in His eye because he already knew the answer.
“I felt unworthy.”
He bent down till His eyes were level with mine and said, “I love the unworthy, the broken, the sinner, the sick. It was for them I became a Savior. All are welcome in My chambers. Because they are Mine and I have written on them ‘Mine’, My love makes them worthy.”
But He did not force me to go into the Throne Room. He could see I was not ready to believe the truth. Instead, He said, “Come, let’s go outside and play. I want to show you a whole new world.”
It felt like an invitation, “Call to me and I will answer you. I want to tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”
He took my hand and I felt my spirit lift off and soar so high and free. We flew so high and the feeling of soaring through the air, bounding, dancing.. so free and joyful.
He took me to a part of the Garden – a cool, dense forest filled with many dark green trees. Some trees were small, some were very tall. We stopped in front of a tree that was shaped somewhat like a pine tree. Its branches & leaves were wider at the bottom with a pointy end at top.
We started to climb the tree, me on one side of the trunk and Papa on the other so that we were facing each other as we climbed.
As we reached one of the lower branches, I saw many fruit. They were fruit of many kinds & color, beautiful, large and shiny. I picked one – a big shiny red apple – and Papa looked at me and asked, “You can choose to keep this apple now. Or you can release it and keep climbing.”
I knew it was yet another invitation though I did not understand what.
It was difficult letting this apple fall to the ground, but His steady gaze watching my response gave me the strength to do it. As I watched the shiny red apple fall to the ground, I felt.. free. Papa smiled at me, looked up, and we kept climbing.
It was strange. As we climbed higher, the fruit got smaller and fewer in-between. But they were still beautiful. Every so often, I would stop to pluck one and again Papa would ask me, “You may keep this one now, or choose to keep climbing.” He always left the choice to me.
As we neared the top, I saw that the fruit were now so small they could easily be hidden within the palm of a hand. They looked plain. In fact, compared to the big shiny fruit near the bottom, these smaller fruit seemed ugly and plain to me. Of course, my frustration was not hidden from Papa who laughed and said, “Look closer.”
I looked closer and saw that these small plain fruit were… diamonds! Pure, crystal clear, sparkly.
Each of these diamonds were protected in what looked like walnut shells that were easily peeled off once in their pickers’ hands. At a cursory glance they looked plain because of those protective shells.
“All the fruit you see on these trees are produced by My children who walk with Me. Each tree is planted when My child enters a new season with Me. The ones at the bottom come first, they appear when My Spirit begins to bring fruit out of your life in that new season. That fruit is fresh, exciting, and a wonderful testimony to all who see My work in your life. There is a choice – to reap the reward of that fruit, or cast it to the ground before Me for the sake of going higher with Me. Those who choose to cast down that first fruit – that comes with praise of man, popularity, and honour – will climb higher.
I watch eagerly and long for My children to come up higher with Me. The temptation is great to touch the glory and take some of the glory for their own, but as long as they keep their face turned toward Me as I have shown you in climbing this tree, My unwavering gaze will hold their hearts steady.
As you climb up higher, there will be less outward fruit to show for it because that is where I do deep things that can only be perceived in the spirit, but this also where there is great & lasting impact. Even the fruit that is visible to those who cannot see will seem small and insignificant. BUT… these are fruit that will last. They will never perish. As you climb higher, My cloak of humility and brokenness is for your protection just as the walnut shells protect the diamonds. I hide My glory in jars of clay so that no thief will come and steal it away.”
By this time we had reached the top of the tree, and I saw a tiny walnut-encased diamond on that top-most branch. Papa beamed at me and said, “Now pluck this one. This one you can keep.”
I took the diamond and handed it back to Him. He smiled, took it and placed it over my head. I looked up and saw that the diamond had become the center-piece of a beautiful intricate crown on my head. I reached up to feel it. The crown had become attached to my head like it was now a part of me. I smiled up at Papa who was smiling at me with contentment & quiet pride.
I felt a rush of wind blow on me and felt power surge through me. With the crown, I was given huge wings. These wings were larger and longer than that of the mythical Pegasus. I felt power in those wings, and the urge to fly… Papa laughed with joy and said, “Come on!” With one flap of my wings, I lifted up into the sky. I felt so strong and so free.
We flew – played – high up there. Where we were, I cannot say. All I know is that it was a place of such joy, freedom, and the best feeling ever.. the love & delight of God.
When we landed back outside the throne room, I wrapped my wings around Papa in a hug. I was surprised that this time, because of those wings, I could hug Him. Before, It had always only been Him reaching His arms around to hug me. As I hugged Him, it felt like His body, arms & shoulders had grown even larger so they still enveloped me as before.
Papa was pleased, “As you grow in My love, so also will your ability to perceive & receive My love. I never change, but how much you are able to receive of Me does. As you continue to grow in Love, I will grow bigger and bigger to you. One day I want to appear to you as I really Am. But today that would frighten you. These wings, the crown.. have enabled you to perceive Me in yet a higher level than before. There are many rewards for those who walk with Me, but the greatest reward of promotion is being able to receive more of My love and to love Me in return.”