Samantha Wiraatmaja »

October 31, 2013

The Beauty of the Soul

Sensitive. I have always despised that word with all of my bruise-like-a-peach heart.

I hated that the little nuances of life, and the people it brought with it, had the ability to pierce my heart to its core while leaving others relatively unscathed. To be sensitive was vulnerable, painful, hard work. I was ashamed of my feelings, my sensitivity, and I saw nothing good in them.

As a child, I told myself that feeling too much was too much work – for myself, and for the people around me. I quickly learnt that it was easier and more comfortable for others when I was less emotional, less sensitive, less… me. I tried to emulate others who were blithe and carefree, but failed terribly. So I settled for building a solid shield around my mushy insides that would keep my overflowing heart from making others uncomfortable, and would protect my heart from feeling too much.

There have been days innumerable where I ended up in my room, crying and praying that God would forgive me for feeling too much. Having too many feelings was bad. I was under such a terrible weight of guilt for being too “soul-ish”.

But God has recently showed me that my soul is beautiful. It is not something to be ashamed of, to be pressed down or contained, or to be cured by growing in spirituality. My soul was created by God. It IS spiritual. It is beautiful.

It used to be that my heart would move and sway to almost anything – be it something I witnessed in others, or was experiencing for myself – love, dreams, beauty, the bad, the good, the small and the big stuff. I felt deeply for others, and dreamed deeply for myself.

But I was in a perpetual state of shame that my soul, the core of who I was, was sinful and displeasing to God and therefore had to be shut down. But in doing so, I have found that it is impossible to “feel less”. We either keep our hearts open, or shut it down entirely. A hardened heart will keep getting harder, unless it decides to start allowing life to breath upon it again.

I can choose to let my heart soar and my soul be free to be who I was created to be, even if that may mean some messy/painful/difficult days. Or I can choose to close my heart tightly and wear it like a locket around my neck – a pretty display to be sure, but heavy, inanimate, dead. Either way, there is no sitting on the fence.

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But sometimes, we just need a little help to see the light. Alex has played a big part in helping me to see, and accept, the beauty of my soul.

Parts of my soul which I have always kept off-limits because of the shame that they are weak, ugly, and a burden to others, he gently and lovingly coaxes out into the open. And as I stand there trembling, deathly afraid that he will pull back in disdain and smash those vulnerable parts of my heart to pieces, he engulfs me with his arms. There, he just holds me and whispers “I love you” over and over again, until my heart flickers with the hope that maybe he really does.

Every time I allow a little more of my soul to escape, I find it wrapped in Alex’s unconditional love. And those moments of pain and fear lead to a deeper conviction that I am truly loved by him.

And if my earthly husband (to-be) could love me thus, how much more my God who is perfect Love incarnate?

I am starting to accept the realization – not just a knowing, but a deep knowing – that God takes pleasure in my soul. He created my soul to:

Love Him fully. “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Matthew 22:37
Experience His goodness. Psalm 103
Hope in Him fully. “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” Psalm 43:5
Thirst for Him deeply. “I stretch out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.” Psalm 143:6
Trust Him Wholly. “For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation.” Psalm 62:1
Bless Him. “Bless the Lord, O my soul…” Psalm 103:1

I am tired of feeling numb. I miss the way my heart soars with every celebration and laughter with friends, with beauty, with dreams, with glimpses of eternity. My soul, when I dare peek into the cage where I’ve got it chained, is crying out for a breath of fresh air. For freedom.

For He came to set the captives free. And I was made for freedom.

This song is a beautiful allegory of Jesus asking His beloved to trust Him, let Him open our eyes and hearts, and let our spirit & soul soar with Him.

Are there parts of your soul that you’ve not embraced? What would happen if you did embrace those parts of who you are? How can you be a part of someone else’s journey to discovering the beauty of their soul?

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September 13, 2013

It’s Kind Of Fun To Do The Impossible

Starting a movement is never easy. Even Jesus, the all-powerful Son of God died to birth His movement.

I am sure that if we talked to any entrepreneur, founder of a social cause/movement, and anyone who has championed change in history, they would tell us the same thing – Change requires sacrifice. Some have sacrificed material wealth, comfort, status, popularity… while others have paid the intangible higher price of sacrificing family, friends, and loved ones.

And while I DO NOT agree that family should be sacrificed under any circumstances, I understand why they’ve chosen a life as such: There are some dreams that become an all-consuming passion that we would abandon all in pursuit of.

These dreams are so big that we know:

1. It will take more than our lifetime to see the height of its fulfillment. Only the next generation, or the generation after, will get to reap the full glory of our life’s work – and we are okay with that.

2. It will take more than ourselves and our ability to accomplish it.

3. Others may get, or try to get, the credit for it – and we are okay with that because all we want is to see these dreams fulfilled.

And every one of us needs to have that one dream, that one impossible thing that we would spend our whole life pursuing. Because if you don’t have something in your life that you would die for, you haven’t yet started to live.

And this is one thing I am sure of: If my dreams can be fulfilled in my lifetime by my natural abilities, then I am probably not dreaming big enough.

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Here’s the awesome thing about championing the impossible as a child of God – ALL things are possible in Him.

He is the Great Dreamer – all the dreams from man’s heart that champion change for GOOD in this world originate from Him. And if He gives the dreams, you can bet your money He will make sure they happen! You know you’re on the right track when your dreams are so big that only something bigger than yourself can make it happen.

These past couple of months have been an intense journey as I pursue the dreams of my heart – It has been a roller coaster ride of hopeful anticipation, discouragement, affirmation, victories, disappointment, confirmation, encouragement, failure, success… you get the picture (;

Looking back on the past two months, I must say that it has been nothing short of miraculous. On top of a full-time job juggling the work of two people, plus school and final assignments, making sure to have quality time with Alex as well as planning for our marriage, and working with a creative team on a film project… I honestly cannot conceive how this next thing that I am going share with you happened. But it did. And all I can say is, “It’s all God.”

In a few days, the 40-day Speak Life Challenge will begin.

This 40-day challenge is a project of Blessings of the Upright, which is a revolution of people who CHOOSE to be a blessing.

For 40 days, we are challenged to CHOOSE to speak LIFE into people, communities, situations, nations. We are challenging ourselves to speak life and thanksgiving instead of complaining, grumbling, and criticizing.

I am excited about this because I believe that, being made in the image of God, we have the power to speak things into being – whether it is life or death we are creating is up to us.

I believe that it is a small start to big change, and would like to invite you to join me in this.

Want to find out more?

Read about how Blessings of the Upright came to be and visit our facebook page.

Here Comes The Bride – A Dream of Our Times

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A few nights ago I had a dream. I felt God speaking to me through the dream about His bride and the heart of Jesus our Bridegroom, as well as the times we are living in. I want to share it with you (:

The dream:

I was in a familiar place; somewhere that felt comfortable and familiar. I saw many familiar faces; people I knew well.

Suddenly, one of them came to me and said, “Hurry get ready, your wedding is in a few hours!” I was paralyzed with shock. “I’m only getting married in June next year, we’re still one year away! I haven’t done any planning, I’m not prepared!!” This couldn’t be happening – I decided to investigate.

As I walked around the corner, I saw that the adjoining room was a large hall filled with people decorating & preparing for the wedding ceremony… and my Bridegroom was already fully dressed and standing at the altar, waiting for me.

As my mind reeled and raced to come to terms with the situation, a bustling group of people came around me to do my hair and make-up. One of them held up a magnificent, beautiful, emerald lace gown and told me to “put on your wedding gown.” Ok… I thought I was getting married in a white gown. Never mind that people are fixing my hair, make-up, and wedding date without asking me; now I don’t get even get to choose the color of my gown? Great.

Oh well, at least the dress is pretty. Still in a daze, I put on my wedding gown… and saw to my horror that I had a paunch right where my flat belly used to be!! “How did I get so out of shape?” and other thoughts of similar nature swirled round my already spinning head. As I stared in the mirror, all I could think of was how beautiful the gown was and how my body wasn’t befitting the occasion and the dress.

As if that wasn’t enough, the realization that I couldn’t remember my vows hit me. I was about to walk down the aisle without knowing my vows! That threw me into a frenzy and the rest of my dream was spent trying to remember the vows I was supposed to make.

The interpretation:

Matthew 24: 36-39 says, “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son,but only the Father. As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man.”

We, the bride of Jesus, need to get prepared.

We need to get out of our comfort zones, get off our laurels. Many of us are comfortable where we are with the people we are with – TOO comfortable to realize that the time is drawing near when Jesus is going to return. In fact, Jesus is already waiting and yearning for His bride… but He will delay His return so that His bride can get ready and prepare herself, that she may be presented to Him as a pure and spotless bride.

Ephesians 5:27 says that Jesus is working in the Church “to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” He has chosen the dress that we will wear, but will we be in good shape when the time come for us to put on our wedding garments? Laziness and complacency need to go! The Church, the Beloved, needs to understand the urgency of the hour and the intense desire of her Bridegroom for her. He is waiting for her, longing to finally be one with her – He cannot bear the distance that has been there since Genesis, and He cannot wait for the nearness and oneness that will come in revelations.

The significance of the vows is three-fold:

1. A time is coming when the Bride will have to acknowledge Jesus publicly. That is where wedding vows are said, aren’t they, publicly? I felt God say to me that the day is coming when the Church will be made to stand in public and speak about God. This will happen in 2 ways –

Sharing publicly about God through media. This is a social media generation, and so much negativity is going around the world wide web. But we are living in a time where the power of God is going to work in and through us to show the world the glory and the greatness of God. Then we need to make a choice – acknowledge God publicly, or not? To do so would welcome mockery, cynicism, rejection from our friends… to not do so is to reject the Bridegroom standing before us at the altar.

Persecution, where our allegiance will be tested. Will we choose to publicly acknowledge Jesus, even when it gets dangerous to do so? If the Bride is still in her comfort zone and wallowing in complacency, it is going to be very hard for her to stand in the face of trials.

Luke 12: 8-11 says, “I tell you, whoever publicly acknowledges me before others, the Son of Man will also acknowledge before the angels of God. But whoever disowns me before others will be disowned before the angels of God. And everyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven. When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say.”

These circumstances sound bleak, but Jesus tells us not to worry! At that time, Holy Spirit will tell us what to say. He is our guide, teacher, comforter, and helper – He will never leave us nor forsake us!

Read more about Holy Spirit’s role in preparing the Bride here.

2. Remember the promises made to God. Many of us have made promises to God – be it in a moment of passion, a moment of need, or a promise we truly intend to keep – and NOW is the time to make good on those promises. Don’t delay any longer, for the time we have left is very, very short.

“When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it” Ecclesiastes 5:4

3. Many in the Church have forgotten their first love. We need to go back to the love we once had, do the things we did at first. Too many of us have gotten caught up either in complacency or busyness – in the process of serving God, let us not forget God. He loves it when we want to serve Him, but what He looks for at the end of the day is our heart – He wants intimacy, love, communion. He is not coming back for a servant; He is coming back for a Bride.

“Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first.” Revelation 2:4

“”This is what the LORD says: ‘I remember the devotion of your youth, how as a bride you loved me and followed me through the wilderness, through a land not sown.'” Jeremiah 2:2

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The Beauty of the Soul

It’s Kind Of Fun To Do The Impossible

Here Comes The Bride – A Dream of Our Times

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