Today we continue the discussion on guarding against the pitfalls of the Mirror, Mirror Syndrome.

To get the full picture, you can get links to all the articles in the Mirror, Mirror series here.

Guarding Against Pitfall #2 – Regrets

In my earlier article When Snow White becomes the Cruel Stepmother, I mentioned that I have met women who are so filled with bitterness from regrets. Like Miss Havisham in Dickens’ Great Expectations, they sit forever in the things that could have been and never moving forward.

Regrets of our youth are extremely poisonous. They lead us to bitterness, and this bitterness defiles a great many others (Hebrews 12:15).

What are some things that cause regrets?

1. Mistakes
2. Could-have-beens and might-have-beens
3. Unsettled matters
4. Unfulfilled dreams/plans
5. Failure

I think every human being would have at least one or more of the above in their lives. How then are we to guard against regrets, when life’s curveballs seem designed to push us right into it?

I have come to believe that it is not about avoiding failure/mistakes etc. Because that only leads to fear. So we stop trying, because it makes the pain of disappointment go away. The danger of this is that we eventually start imposing this on others too, and end up quashing the God-given dreams, boldness, and zeal of others.

I believe that what we need to focus on instead is how to handle failure and mistakes. To have our hearts healed. Let us take a look at some of the men & women who have gone before us, and learn from how they handled their mistakes and failures.

1. FINDING FORGIVENESS IN FAILURE – PETER

Bible reference: John 18:15-27, Luke 22:54-62, Matthew 26: 69-75

Peter denied Jesus in His hour of need, and I think no one was hurt more than Peter himself. In fact, he was so discouraged that he decided, “Guess I’m not cut out to be a disciple of Jesus. I’d best go back to being a fisherman.” But the amazing love of Jesus! He went to where Peter was fishing, and brought to him forgiveness and restoration.

Now, compare this story to the one of Judas Iscariot. Judas, too, betrayed Jesus. But his story ended so differently (Matthew 27).

Both Peter and Judas betrayed Jesus. Both felt remorseful for what they did.

So what was the difference between these 2 men that resulted in such different outcomes?

I believe the answer is found in Matthew 18: 21-35 when Peter learns from Jesus about forgiveness. I believe this is the reason that, though discouraged, Peter didn’t go that far. Deep down he knew that Jesus would forgive him. Judas didn’t.

Lessons learnt:

– Come to God with your mistakes and failures. He forgives! 1 John 1:9 says that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

– It is ok to be discouraged! Jesus is so full of love, and He will come to you in your discouragement and lift you up again (: Just come to him as you are.

2. MOVING ON AFTER FAILURE – MOSES

Bible reference: Numbers 20: 11 & 12, Deuteronomy 3: 23-27

Moses disobeyed God, and consequently was forbidden by God to enter the Promised Land. However, Moses did not stop serving the Israelites and God faithfully – he led them all the way to the Promised Land, though he himself could only see it from a distance. Even though God punished Moses for his disobedience, God still loved him and honored him through the Bible (one example is in Hebrews 11).

Lessons learnt:

– Consequences do not mean that God no longer loves you.

– Learn to accept the consequences of our mistakes/failures. If you run away from them, they will haunt you all your life.

– Face your consequences, then move on! It’s not the end of the world, trust me. God always has a great plan for you.

3. RESTORATION OF THE “COULD’VE-BEENS” IN YOUR LIFE – WOMAN BY THE WELL

Bible reference: John 4

Talked about failure and broken dreams! I don’t think any little girl dreams about having FIVE failed marriages, much less be labeled a fornicator. This lady must have been living in so much disappointments, believing that her time for dreams was long past.

In fact, she was so used to living in shame and rejection that it had become her habit to go and draw water at noon, when the day was at its hottest. Other women would have gone to the well in the cool of the early morning. Any guesses why this Samaritan woman wanted to avoid other people, preferring to toil under the hot afternoon sun rather than face them?

Reading carefully into the conversation between her and Jesus, it is not difficult to tell that she was someone who had her guards up. But Jesus spoke to her and restored her.

What resulted was this woman, with her broken life full of regrets, became one of the earliest great evangelists!

Lessons learnt:

– No matter how far off the road you think you’ve gone, just one encounter with the living God can turn all the could’ve-beens into can-be!

– Come to the loving God, who will not only restore your heart from regrets – He will also give you fresh hope and vision for the future that He has for you!

4. KEEP DOING WHAT GOD HAS FOR YOU – ELIJAH

The surest guard against regrets? Keep doing everything that God tells you to!

Elijah did just that. And even though he had his fair share of failures & mistakes, they didn’t hold him back. Why? Because he was so focused on following God, he didn’t have time to linger and wallow in regrets.

Following hard after God is also what made him a Father of the faith to Elisha. It is what protected him from becoming a cruel stepmother – he didn’t feel threatened by his disciple’s up-and-coming ministry & anointing, because his heart was so full of God’s plans and purposes!

When you follow after God, you will look back on your life and find that it was a life well lived.

When it’s all been said and done, many things in this world will try to rob our peace and our dreams. But Jesus said that He has come to give us life, and life abundant (John 10:10).

There is so much more that can be said on this topic, but I’d better bring it to a close for now (: What other ways can you think of to guard against the pitfall of regrets?

So earlier this week we discussed how to guard against the first pitfall of the Mirror, Mirror Syndrome – Misplaced Identity (read it here).  The best way to guard against misplaced identity is to focus on building in our lives the things that are eternal and unshakable. and today we continue the discussion on what are things that are eternal and unshakable that you can build in your life.

To get the full picture, you can get links to all the articles in the Mirror, Mirror series here.

3.    LOVE

Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8).

Bible Character Study: Jesus

When Jesus was on earth, He was constantly moved with compassion for people.  He always walked in love.  It was for love that He came to earth, and it was love that kept Him to the cross.  Our God is distinct from all other gods because of this one quality: Love.

How to cultivate love in your hearts?  Start by applying 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 practically! Be patient, be kind, root out envy, etc – take one quality each week and make a personal challenge to live out that quality for the week (:

4.    INTIMACY WITH GOD

Zechariah 13:9 says that when our intimacy to God has been tested, it will emerge like gold. This means that it will remain; it is eternal.

Bible Character Study: Enoch

Enoch walked so close to God that he didn’t have to face death! (Genesis 5:24)

I believe this means that he was walking so intimately with God that he was already living in heaven while here on earth – therefore he didn’t require a transition through death into life. Because he was already walking as one who was dead to himself and fully alive to God ((Romans 6:11).

Is it difficult to have intimacy with God? Yes and no.  Yes because God is full of mystery!  The more you know Him, the more you will find that there is so much more to discover.  No because God says that as we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us (James 4:8) – you won’t be doing it alone; you have the God Almighty pulling you to Himself with all His might.

5.    THE HOUSE OF GOD

“This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘In a little while I will once more shake the heavens and the earth, the sea and the dry land. I will shake all nations, and what is desired by all nations will come, and I will fill this house with glory,’ says the Lord Almighty. ‘The silver is mine and the gold is mine,’ declares the Lord Almighty. ‘The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,’ says the Lord Almighty. ‘And in this place I will grant peace,’ declares the Lord Almighty.” Haggai 2: 6-9

The house of the Lord will stand forever and ever, amen!

Bible Character Study: Haggai and Zechariah

Read from the lives and teachings of these men.

God has given every one of us gifts for the purpose of building up the Body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12).  Find out what your unique strengths are, and use them to serve your local Church/community.

6.    THE WORD OF GOD

The Word of God endures forever.  Build your life on the Word of God and you will never fail.

“All people are like grass, and all their faithfulness is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever.” Isaiah 40: 6-8

Eat the Word, drink the Word, let it so fill you that it becomes a part of you. But above all else, remember that Jesus is the Living Word (John 1:1) – cultivate a relationship with Him for He will never fail you (:

So we are done with the first pitfall! Next, we will continue the discussion on guarding against the other pitfalls of the Mirror, Mirror Syndrome.

In the meantime, what are some practical ways that you can apply the guards in your life?