Mirror, Mirror – Guarding Against The Mirror, Mirror Syndrome Part 1

We’ve talked about the Mirror, Mirror Syndrome and how it causes Snow Whites to turn into cruel Stepmothers.  Now let us discuss how we can guard against its pitfalls (that we talked about here).

Guarding Against Pitfall #1 – Misplaced Identity

As I mentioned in my previous article on When Snow White Becomes The Cruel Stepmother, building our identity on what is temporal is the surest path to the Mirror, Mirror syndrome.  The cruel Stepmother was once a sweet, pretty young thing too, just like Snow White.  But fear of losing that beauty, and along with it everything her life had been built on, turned her into the evil woman who would do anything to protect her status of “fairest in all the land”.

I have found that the numero uno culprit for turning many a Snow White into the cruel Stepmother is misplaced identity.

What are some temporal things that young women tend to build their identity upon?

  1. Their youthful good looks
  2. Their unlimited supply of energy
  3. Their (untested) optimism/zeal/passion
  4. Their ability to contribute fresh ideas
  5. Their achievements and successes
  6. Their popularity
  7. Their status
  8. Their material acquisitions

The list is quite inexhaustive.

Throughout the Bible, God repeatedly warns us that everything that can be shaken will be shaken.  This shaking is “the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain.” (Hebrews 12:27)

This means that everything that is temporal will one day be stripped away, in order to reveal what is eternal and unshakable.

The best way to guard against misplaced identity is to focus on building in our lives the things that are eternal and unshakable.

What are some things that are unshakable?

 1.    FAITH

Hebrew 11:6 says that “without faith it is impossible to please God.” God proves this point in the Hall of Fame in the book of Hebrews – He lists down every man who had faith in Him, forever to be remembered by all even after thousands of years. Talk about leaving behind a lasting impact!

Bible Character Study: Abraham

Abraham is a classic example of someone whose identity did not come from his own strengths or achievements.  He is known as the father of faith, and it is his faith that has made him a legendary hero till this day.

Abraham walked close to God. He was the man through whom the entire nation of Israel was birthed (Genesis 12).  God even consulted Abraham before He made a decision to destroy a city (Genesis 18). He was so devout that he was even willing to sacrifice his only son to God (Genesis 22).

In fact, read Genesis 12-22 and you will see that Abraham had a great many things to boast of if he wanted to. BUT it was none of these things that made Abraham a legend!

God says that it was Abraham’s faith that did it:

“If, in fact, Abraham was justified by works, he had something to boast about—but not before God. What does Scripture say? “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.”” Romans 4:2

Evidently, faith is extremely important to the heart of God!  Works, achievements, and even our religiosity are not eternal. Faith is.

Cultivate faith and you will never have to fear insecurity.

How to cultivate faith?  One small step at a time (:  The very first step is to start reading the Bible consistently.  Romans 10:17 says that, “Faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.”

Read your Bible daily, let it sink into your heart, and apply it practically in your life. Trust me, you will see a difference in your faith level as you keep doing this!

 

 2.    RIGHTEOUSNESS

The Bible is full of promises about the eternal value of righteousness. Some references are Mathew 24:46, Romans 5:21, Psalms 119:160, Proverbs 12:28.

Bible Character Study: Job

Job was a man declared by God as righteous (Job 1:1).  This made his fame spread to the point that satan wanted to test him. Talk about popularity!

God allowed Job to be tested, and I believe it was because He wanted to prove to satan, to the world, and even to Job himself that righteousness is eternal.

Here is what Job said in the midst of all his trials, “But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold.” (Job 23:10)

Gold, when put through the fire, doesn’t perish like most other things. Instead, it just gets purer and more valuable.  That is the case with righteousness.

Develop righteousness in your life and you will have a lasting treasure and legacy.

 

In my next post, I will continue the list of the things we can build in our lives that are eternal and unshakable.  Till then, what other areas can you think of which are eternal and unshakable that you can build in your life?

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Mirror, Mirror – When Snow White Becomes The Cruel Stepmother

We’ve talked about the Mirror, Mirror syndrome and what it looks like.  Now let us identify the key pitfalls that turn Snow Whites into Stepmothers.

1. Misplaced Identity

Building our identity on what is temporal is the surest path to the Mirror, Mirror syndrome. The cruel Stepmother was once a sweet, pretty young thing too, just like Snow White.  But fear of losing that beauty, and along with it everything her life had been built on, turned her into the evil woman who would do anything to protect her status of “fairest in all the land”.

Isaiah 40:30 says that “even youth shall fade”.  Too many women, in their youth, have built their identity and security on things that do not last. Most of the things that we possess in our youth are actually temporal tools given to us to build something permanent.

Unfortunately, too many young people make the mistake of regarding these temporal tools as an end, rather than a means to an end. The danger of such a mindset is this: We fail to build something more permanent out of the gifts that God gives us in our youth.  When these things fade away, we are left with nothing.

That is why so many women, like the Stepmother, are still striving to hold on to their positions that they had as young women.

A Victoria Secret’s supermodel said that despite their gorgeous looks and beautiful bodies, supermodels are actually more insecure than most people. “If you ever think, ‘If I had thinner thighs and shinier hair, wouldn’t I be happier,’ you just need to meet a group of models. They have the thinnest thighs and the shiniest hair and the coolest clothes and they are the most physically insecure women, probably, on the planet.

The culture of God’s kingdom is such that those who come after us will go at least twice further than we have gone – even Jesus said that we would do greater works than He did (John 14:12). However, for those who have built their identity on the temporal, it is terrifying for them to raise up other young women. Because if/when they are surpassed, they will have nothing left to speak of what their lives had accomplished.

 

2. Regrets

Have you ever met women who are so consumed with regrets of the past?  I certainly have.  These woman are so filled with bitterness. Like Miss Havisham in Dickens’ Great Expectations, they sit forever in the things that could have been and never moving forward.

Countless are the number of conversations I have had with older women that contain one or more of the following:

“Don’t set your expectations too high so you won’t be too disappointed”

“Yeah I’ve tried that before and it didn’t work. It won’t work for you either”

“This and that didn’t happen for me, so why should it happen for someone else”

“Yeah I used to have zeal too… but then I grew up. You’ll lose that zeal when you grow older”

“There’s no such thing as fairytales & happily ever afters”

And so on and so forth. Regrets of our youth are extremely poisonous.  They lead us to bitterness, and this bitterness defiles a great many others (Hebrews 12:15).

One of the quickest routes to bitterness is failure. We fail a few times and get tired of trying to get up and give it another try – so we become bitter and say “This is just not possible”.  So we stop dreaming, because it makes the pain of disappointment go away.

But the danger of bitterness & regret is this: We start to impose on the younger generation that they should stop dreaming too. I have met so many women who actually resent the zeal and idealism of their younger counterparts.  Consciously or not, they try to shut down the dreams of the young ones and end up doing more damage than they could imagine.

 

3. Misplaced Ambitions

When our ambitions are misplaced, we become increasingly insecure.

As I mentioned earlier, most of what we are given in our youth are actually temporal tools meant for building something permanent.  BUT even these dreams we have to build something lasting, and the ability & resources to achieve those dreams, must not be our ultimate ambition.

There are women I know of who do use their gifts to building something permanent and eternal – be it a good cause, an organization, a ministry.  These are great dreams and bless many!

But when these God-given dreams become their ultimate ambition, that is when the focus shifts.  It usually becomes a “Look at me and what I can do!” circus show.

 

4. Immaturity

I believe that the primary reason why many women turn into insecure Stepmothers is because of fear.  Insecurity in its most basic form is fear, and fear comes from a lack of maturity.

1 John 4:18 says that, “He who fears has not been made mature in love.”  Perfect love drives out ALL fear, and those who have been matured in love do not fear.

I have observed that this is true.  There are many men & women of God who only ever remain as “great men/women of God”.  Is that bad? No, of course not!  BUT that is not the height of maturity; they need to progress to become people who raise up even greater men & women than themselves.

Those who are still immature will never want to groom someone else who would outshine them, because they are still governed by fear and self-seeking mindsets.

 

In the next article of the Mirror, Mirror series, we will be discussing how to guard against these pitfalls while we are still Snow Whites.  Prevention is better than cure, after all!

Till then, what are some other pitfalls to the Mirror, Mirror syndrome that you can think of?

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Mirror, Mirror – The Mirror, Mirror Syndrome

Most of us had role models as a child.  The women who embodied everything we wanted to have/be; whether it was their physical beauty, talent, spirituality, or their inner poise & grace. I certainly did, and I couldn’t wait to grow up and become like them.  I looked forward to the day when these beautiful, graceful women would welcome me into glorious womanhood with open arms.

Some of us were blessed to have these women invest in our lives, whilst others of us gleaned by observing how they lived.

However, through the years I have found that there are very few women in the Church who actually want to see, and play a role in, young women rising up. Instead of seeing the younger women as daughters to be mentored, many older women tend to see them as nuisances or competitors.

The warm welcome into womanhood that I envisioned was tainted by what I call the “Mirror, Mirror” syndrome.

Having encountered this nasty syndrome many times, and hearing others tell of the same experience, I started to wonder why the syndrome is so ubiquitous – it can be found everywhere! Why is it pervasive across ages, languages, cultures? Is there a way it can be stopped/prevented?

And the million dollar question: Would I fall prey to this syndrome when I grow old?! *insert shudders and chills*

So this series was birthed.

I am reaching for all the Snow Whites out there, in hopes that we would be conscious in guarding our hearts against the “Mirror, Mirror” syndrome while we are still young and in our prime. That we would grow into true Queens and not Mrs. Evil Stepmother (no way, jose!).

What is the “Mirror, Mirror” syndrome?

Think Snow White and her Stepmother.  Mrs. Stepmother was the greatest beauty in all the land, and she’d held that title for a loooong time.  But when it came Snow White’s turn to step into her shoes, instead of graciously nurturing/mentoring Snow White in the ways of a good beauty queen, she tried to kill her instead.

This fairytale is a parable of what I have observed of many women in the Church, even the godly ones.

Here are some symptoms of those afflicted with the “mirror, mirror” syndrome:

  • They’re always talking about their calling, their ministry, their accomplishments. They are not too interested in anyone else’s accomplishments/calling/ministry… unless it would serve to elevate theirs.
  • They have no desire to spend time building up another younger person’s life… unless it elevates themselves.
  • They feel threatened when younger women rise up. Especially those who could potentially outshine them.
  • They feel that it is their responsibility to put young people in their place.
  • They hold tightly to their places of authority/influence, and would put others down to do so.
  • They like people who hang on their every word & do exactly as they say, and put up walls to those who challenge them.
  • They are open to those who are weak-willed and non-threatening, but shut out those who secure and confident.
  • They demand respect of others, while oftentimes giving none in return.
  • They are controlling.
  • They are attention-seeking.
  • They have not been made mature in love.
  • They are easily offended.

Sounds familiar?

Why exactly do many start out well, but end not-so-well?  We will address this question in the next article:  “When Snow White becomes the cruel Stepmother” – key pitfalls and how to guard against them.

Keep a lookout for it, or you can get it delivered straight to your inbox by clicking on the “follow godlywomanhood” button on the right-hand side of this page!

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Idream of Eden. We were made for the Garden and the full pleasure of paradise. We got separated at Eden and we spend our whole lives searching for a way back into that secret paradise. All of life's pursuit + pain + questioning can be traced back to man's search for home. Our deepest instincts tell us that we are not home outside of this reality, and our souls will never stop searching until we return. Only there will we find rest and our true being. There, we begin to dream again the dreams that have laid asleep in our hearts all along.

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