I have asked many questions in my life, but this one – Why doesn’t God heal me? – has been hands-down the most painful.
I ask this question a lot – for myself, and for others. Why doesn’t God just pour some of His power down and heal all the sick in the world? He has the power, and I know in theory that He really loves us… so it doesn’t add up that He would leave us to wallow in our pain and misery.
In fact, this question has pulled me too many times into a vortex – dark, cold, away from the warmth of God’s love. I found it difficult to believe that God loved me, much less cared about me, when He wouldn’t give me the thing I needed most at that moment – healing.
It is easy to believe in a God of goodness and love when the sun is shining and the world has taken on a rosy hue. That’s when I know that God loves me. Life is good.
But when sickness rears its ugly head, those warm and fuzzy feelings dissipate into fear, confusion, frustration. At those times, it is not so easy to believe that God is as good as He says He is. Harder still to trust that He loves me.
I have wrestled with this question for most of my life. I have received prophecies about healing- but it does not come. I have received countless prayers for healing – yet still it does not happen. I have gone the “word of faith” way, claiming and declaring healing – but healing tarries.
I tried all ways until, like the woman with the issue of blood, I ended up exhausted and dead-ended. No more resources within me to keep trying.
But like that woman, as I lay on the ground, I see the feet of Jesus before me. And I realize some things that I had missed out in my single-minded focus to get healed.
- People. Those who were there in my time of need. They embraced me, encouraged me, and accepted me at my worst moments. Had I not gone through infirmity, I would not have known such sweet blessings of God’s love poured out by the people He placed around me.
- Compassion. Through pain, my heart was enlarged. The wells of compassion were being dug deeper and deeper, silently but surely. And when I look at others who are suffering, I understand their pain. And God sometimes uses this compassion to heal them.
- Confidence. As I grow in trust that God loves me even whilst healing tarries, I grow to love myself. And this confidence in God’s love for me, since it has grown in the toughest of seasons, will reveal a strong and unshakable faith when winter passes and spring time comes around.
I am still waiting for my healing. And I still do not have the definitive answer to why God doesn’t heal me.
But I know that He heals. I have seen Him do it many times for others. And I know that my time will come.
In the mean time, there are so many lessons to learn and beautiful blessings to encounter. And so I wait, as the watchmen wait for the dawn. For the sun rises with healing in His wings (Malachi 4:2).
Is there a miracle that you are still waiting for? How do you strengthen your faith in times when your miracles seem so far away?